Holding it in!

It has been a while since I felt the need to journal. I had been feeling really good since Dominique's birthday party. Although I had a few short moments, I was generally ok. For the last couple of days I have just been down. We were in church and a close friend of mine was telling me about a bad accident her daughter was in over the weekend. She went on to say how true it is that our children are given to us only for a season, and that she realized how important it was to cherish every moment. Of course I started crying. I couldn't help but think of Dominique and how I wished she was still here.

I was shopping with my mom yesterday and we turned to go down the street on which my daughter was buried. I had to fight back the tears, trying not to spoil anyone else's day. Fortunately, I was able to keep it together by quickly focusing on something else.

Later that evening my children had to sing at another church in the area. When we got there, we quickly spotted some members of our church and went to sit by them. Little did I know that there was a precious little girl sitting in front of us. She looked to be a few months under the age that Dominique would be now (almost 14 mths). Again, I had to hold back the tears trying not to ruin the evening.

I spent the entire day holding my emotions in and trying to keep it together. I know that I'm bound to explode soon! I think of all the advice I give to other grieving families and how to cry and let it out. I realize that it is easier said than done. I would rather hold it in than hear some of the comments that people will make. I don't want to explain what's wrong to a million people and I don't want to create a scene. Maybe I'll find some quiet time today to talk to Dominique and tell her how I feel.