Angry & Hurt!
It has been a long time since I've felt like journaling. I had a few days where I could have, but I never got around to it, but today, I want to burst! I am so angry! I want so bad to have another child! Each month when my period comes is another battle with depression, rage, and hurt. I'm not sure how much more I can take. Everywhere I turn there is a couple that is expecting or pushing their baby through the park in a stroller! I want to scream.
I even resorted to taking birth control pills for a month because I didn't want to hurt anymore! I felt that if I knew I couldn't get pregnant, I wouldn't be so upset when my cycle came. I didn't feel as bad, but it still hurt. I was supposed to continue with the second pack and I started forgetting to take them. I wasn't really thinking about getting pregnant at the time, and I was focused on getting through school. Of course, I realized how many pills I had missed right around the time I was ovulating and realized that my husband and I had intercourse on the day in which we could conceive. I couldn't help but get excited and think that this was it!
I started feeling really tired yesterday(almost 2 weeks after ovulation), and even took a nap, which I never feel the need for! Three people made mention of me looking "full", or bloated and I knew for sure that we were pregnant! I woke up this morning feeling tired again and even though my cycle wasn't supposed to start (I thought), until Thursday, I was dying to take a pregnancy test! So after my first class, I ran to the store and took a test. I'm sure you already know it was negative or else I wouldn't be so sad and angry!
During my next class I started thinking about it and by the end of the class I was trying hard not to lose it. After leaving class, I had to use the bathroom. I guess I was in denial because I thought mabye I had performed the test too soon and that I should repeat the test in a few days! Frequent urination is a symptom of pregnancy, right! I had just gone about 2 hours ago, when I normally only have to go once while I'm at school. To my surprise, not only was I wrong, but I had started my period.
I feel like screaming and tearing my house apart! I don't even feel like going to school, or talking to anyone! I would prefer to just crawl in a hole for the next week! WHEN WILL IT BE MY TIME????????????????????
I even resorted to taking birth control pills for a month because I didn't want to hurt anymore! I felt that if I knew I couldn't get pregnant, I wouldn't be so upset when my cycle came. I didn't feel as bad, but it still hurt. I was supposed to continue with the second pack and I started forgetting to take them. I wasn't really thinking about getting pregnant at the time, and I was focused on getting through school. Of course, I realized how many pills I had missed right around the time I was ovulating and realized that my husband and I had intercourse on the day in which we could conceive. I couldn't help but get excited and think that this was it!
I started feeling really tired yesterday(almost 2 weeks after ovulation), and even took a nap, which I never feel the need for! Three people made mention of me looking "full", or bloated and I knew for sure that we were pregnant! I woke up this morning feeling tired again and even though my cycle wasn't supposed to start (I thought), until Thursday, I was dying to take a pregnancy test! So after my first class, I ran to the store and took a test. I'm sure you already know it was negative or else I wouldn't be so sad and angry!
During my next class I started thinking about it and by the end of the class I was trying hard not to lose it. After leaving class, I had to use the bathroom. I guess I was in denial because I thought mabye I had performed the test too soon and that I should repeat the test in a few days! Frequent urination is a symptom of pregnancy, right! I had just gone about 2 hours ago, when I normally only have to go once while I'm at school. To my surprise, not only was I wrong, but I had started my period.
I feel like screaming and tearing my house apart! I don't even feel like going to school, or talking to anyone! I would prefer to just crawl in a hole for the next week! WHEN WILL IT BE MY TIME????????????????????
posted by Tiffany @ 3:22 PM
