Giving Thanks

It's Thanksgiving and I realized that it is time for me to stop complaining and give thanks. I feel much better than I did yesterday. (I did do a little shopping:-) I was looking back at some old family pictures I had in the basement. Some of them revealed happy memories, but some of them were quite painful but relieving in a way. There were pictures that reminded me of things I used to do and the way I used to think. I am so glad that God has brought me through all of that! I was a poor, lonely, single mom living in a subsidized apartment with little to no income. Thank God, I was able to purchase a home, marry a God-fearing, loving husband who's will is to do God's will and provide for his family. I am truly blessed!

I found some scriptures that have also helped me. They are as follows:

Hebrews 13:5, Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I will never desert you, not will I ever forsake you".

Philippians 4:12, I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

I Corinthians 7:17, Only as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk, and so I direct in all the churches.

Colossians 3:23, Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for men.

Discouraged

I feel so discouraged today. Nothing seems to be going my way! Home, school, and work all seem to be going downhill! We don't have the money to make our bills current or pay the ones that we are incurring right now! Bill collectors call twenty times a day! Yet, in all of this, all I can think about is having a baby. I have received low grades on my last tests in three classes! My work is getting more frustrating and the desire to begin a new and exciting career is constantly pulling at me. I feel so down!

I want to go shop so bad! That is usually what I like to do when I am feeling down! Something about finding a new outfit makes me happy! Of course, we have no money so it would not be smart to do that!

I wish that someone would call me with a job offer, just to let me know that I am being considered! I have sent resumes to a million people applying for jobs I know I can do and still nothing! What is it???? Am I not skilled enough, don't have the right credentials, what!!!

I remind myself of a scripture that says no matter what state or circumstance you are in, be content. So today, that is my goal.

Baby Blues

Here I am again feeling sad because I am not pregnant. I guess it didn't help that I was watching a birthing show on Discovery Health. It's nice to see what I will experience some day. My husband tried to comfort me by saying that he knows we will have one some day and that everything will be alright. As innocent as that may have been, I am so sick of hearing it! I know that he was only trying to comfort me but I'm becoming so angry and bitter again.

I tried to read a prayer taken from the book called Hannah's Hope, but I couldn't. All the remedys require that I take my mind off of it and focus on something else. How do I do that when babies are all around me? Couples are able to conceive at the drop of a dime, and it takes us years!

At the same time, I want what God has for me. I don't want to ruin what he has planned. I remind myself that in Jeremiah 29:11 He says that He has a plan for me. Plans to prosper me and to give me hope and a future. I know He does not plan to harm me. I also know that He feels my pain and understands. I remind myself that this is why we have God's Tiny Angels Support Group.

At times, I wonder if it is a part of His plan to have me suffer for the sake of the group? Maybe I wouldn't be as effective if I were to have a child. But then I think, it is not about me. It is all about Him!

Lord, please hear my cry and give me peace!