Baby Blues

Here I am again feeling sad because I am not pregnant. I guess it didn't help that I was watching a birthing show on Discovery Health. It's nice to see what I will experience some day. My husband tried to comfort me by saying that he knows we will have one some day and that everything will be alright. As innocent as that may have been, I am so sick of hearing it! I know that he was only trying to comfort me but I'm becoming so angry and bitter again.

I tried to read a prayer taken from the book called Hannah's Hope, but I couldn't. All the remedys require that I take my mind off of it and focus on something else. How do I do that when babies are all around me? Couples are able to conceive at the drop of a dime, and it takes us years!

At the same time, I want what God has for me. I don't want to ruin what he has planned. I remind myself that in Jeremiah 29:11 He says that He has a plan for me. Plans to prosper me and to give me hope and a future. I know He does not plan to harm me. I also know that He feels my pain and understands. I remind myself that this is why we have God's Tiny Angels Support Group.

At times, I wonder if it is a part of His plan to have me suffer for the sake of the group? Maybe I wouldn't be as effective if I were to have a child. But then I think, it is not about me. It is all about Him!

Lord, please hear my cry and give me peace!